almost four

"I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason, 

bringing something we must learn 

and we are lead to those who help us most to grow 

if we let them.  

And we help them in return.

Well I don't know if I believe that's true

But I know I'm who I am today

because I knew you."

"For Good" by Stephen Schwartz from the musical Wicked.

Dear Reesie,

Tonight I kissed the face of a three year old good night. Tomorrow morning, the footsteps of a four year old will patter down the hallway, round the corner and enter my room ready for some breakfast.  Cereal will have to wait because I will scoop you up, close my eyes and remember your first entrance.

You were round and wiggly and I couldn't stop looking at you- this new, little person.  Your daddy cried and the nurses said you were beautiful.  I held you and said, "hello."  I didn't know you yet, but you knew me.  You recognized my voice, peered up at my face and I was done.

A few days ago Daddy was working in the yard.  You went out to join him and I watched you from the window.  Your feet dangled from the swing and as you rocked side to side I could only imagine what it was you discussed with your father.  I welled up thinking back on all that's happened this year.  And I thanked God for the attachment to your Daddy that seemed to pop up overnight but really is rooted in three years of consistent, intentional time he has spent with you.

We're crazy about you, Sweet Girl.  This was a year of big changes.  There were a few moments that made me wonder if I'd survive age three.  It was the hardest year of parenting thus far.  I struggled with a multitude of personal issues that had nothing to do with you.  Often I could do nothing but ask God for help.

You know what is one of the best things about being completely His?  You aren't stuck with the things you don't like about yourself.  The things deep in your heart you just can't stand that come to the surface in moments of tension.  True ugliness.  They don't have to be a part of you forever.  A frustrated, short tempered, selfish, cowardly, impatient woman can fall to her knees before God, submit her shortcomings to His authority and by the same power that raised Jesus from the dead, rise a different woman.  A better woman.

Baby, as tempting as it would be to wish away all the hard stuff from this past year I am so grateful for the difficult times.  It made us need Jesus more.  Because of the incredible privilege of being your mama, I am a different woman than I was four years ago.  Praise God.  Thank you.

Your Daddy, Baby Sister and I delight in you.  You brighten up everyday with your constant singing as you flit about in your own little world.  You are brave, inquisitive, and sensitive.  You love details, dancing, board games and order.  You could swing for hours and you've developed a fondness for the color green.  You have a silly sense of humor and a flair for the dramatic.  You're smart and a quick learner.  You want to stand on anything that slightly resembles a stage.

I love you Reese.  I can't wait for you to be four.  

Mama