not as expected

For several months now, our family's been on the brink of a Big Decision. The details aren't really important. But the tedious measurements of the pros and cons, the lengthy discussions probing presumed consequences all in the name of making an informed Decision neither of us wants to make...it's exhausting.

It's like a tennis match. Back and forth.

Should we? Shouldn't we? What about Reese? What about us?

Last night the Decision was made.

The result...well it wasn't what I expected.

How I felt about it...wasn't what I expected either.

Expecting sweet relief of finally letting go, the tears caught me off guard.

I feel sad. I feel bad for feeling sad. As tears trail down my decided cheeks, pangs of guilt are quick to follow. You see, I'm confident that God is all over this Decision. He is. I never, ever want to concede to His will. Instead of mourning the loss of what I thought would be, I desperately want to embrace what is- His "good, pleasing and perfect will." (Rom. 12:2)



"In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory."
Ephesians 1:18